the everquest facebook group

i found myself looking through the facebook group today. it seems pretty active. people post every couple days. and its got a large membership. it just reminds me how good the community is. and i definately miss it. but i have been cut out of it. getting removed from your guild for inactivety kills it. i had a word with the guild leader. the guy even went so far as to say i wasnt meant for the guild. that just tells me alot. a guy takes a break and gets told nonsense. i have some opinions about staying in the guild and get told im a renegade. maybe the guy feels like he's way more important than anybody else. i dunno i think i contributed. i definately did my characters worth. and definately helped figure out a couple events. i made my fair share of friends. and definately did my fair share of helping people out. i pulled more weight than some of the less serious people. but then to be told that i was not of the calibre was hurtful. ive lead guilds in the past. i lived that game. for anyone to try and tell me i wasnt the right stuff was heartbreaking. mainly because i thought that these people were cool. but they exposed themselves for the types of people they were. youre just a number in a guild like that.

its kindof funny because that guild was known for being a family guild. but i guess it just shows when you get the treatment yourself. i just kinda shows that you can't trust online connections. i just don't think that i could ever make that decision. makes me wonder if the leader was a fool like the people at the convention. that woulda been a shitty situation. after all the people i did meet were kinda weird. wouldn't be surprised if the whole guild was kinda like that. i mean i did meet some cool people. but the game aged really badly. and you'd try to make connections but you'd get backstabbed alot. my class wasn't really needed either. its a gaming organization after all. how seriously can they take it. you can't play the game constantly forever. perhaps thats the kindof commitment some of these things expect. but if thats the case thats unrealistic. we need to have lives of course. i played that game for 9 years straight. if thats not a commitment i dont know what is. and i definately dont appreciate being told i havent played enough. it was a pain in the ass to near nonsense like that. i put in my time and got the boot. i'd even heard of players keep the tag. but apparently i didn't fit the credentials. it was all very shady. and then when i spoke up about it i just got shouted down.

basically facing possible public humiliation i was asked to back down. the guy in tells told me an earfull. bottom line is i was asking for a grandfather tag. it wasnt the biggest request in the world. i wanted a retired-friend tag. and they wanted me to do all sorts of bullshit to get it. get someone else to call me a box. i just wanted to maintain my ties with the community. but i felt like i was trying to fight for something illicit. and thats kinda what made it weird. i think players dont really appreciate the community. especially those in high places. to those guys we're all numbers. but what about the friends you make along the way. are those flukes? do those not factor into the grand scheme? it was all kinda heartbreaking to have that happen. but that was that. the last few friends i had on the server in that guild. and me considered to be not worth being inside. maybe it had to do partly with the fact that my class sucked. maybe it was because my opinions were so strong. but when someone invests nearly a decade into something what do you expect. constantly denied leadership oppertunities. booted outa guilds for inactivety. its just not the kinda shit im used to. wasnt getting the respect i deserved. in my time as a leader i never woulda done stuff like this. but times change.

i respect the people who continued to play. most of them have deeper networks of friends in the guild. and i respect the leaders for being able to keep the guild going this long. but at the same time i dont like how they turn their cold shoulder to me. kinda made me feel like shit. i guess you could say ties to the people were strong. and getting denied the strongest connection to them sucked. these're people who got me thruogh some tough times. while i was locked away in my parents house. trying to get over the death of my friend. trying to build communication with my parents. trying to orient myself in the world. those weremy formulative years. and the character i played was one that stuck with me since 2000. i guess you could say i got tired of waving friends goodbye. but thats the nature of everquest. if youve played a decade youve seen alot of people come and go. you cant really come to rest on those relationships. youre left playing with strangers. whichs tough when you still see old players still around. youre left scratching your head. but these are real bonds you make with real people. and just like it sucks to lose those in the real life it sucks to lose those in the game. i guess you could say there's alot of loss i experienced in everquest. and it was tough. it really was.

when you play with people for years you build bonds. taking your guild through tough content builds character. its just rough to lose that network. after getting to know everyone through teamspeak. discussing guild stuff on the boards. working as a team on raids. shooting the breeze on the offtime. its a lifestyle. and these were the people you spent your time with. to lose that network can be painful. but its something ive gone through a couple of times. it has alot to do with how i played the game. i'd quit because i felt like i was getting to into it. and that had alot to do with the shunning i got from the parents. its like gaming was kindof not cosher. but there was also the whole getting over the trauma thing. a friend had died. and my life had been off track for awhile. from the first day of college i had cut my hair. and basically the shunning began. before that there were alot of restrictions placed on me. religious freedom was stripped. and before that the place i loved was taken from me. i guess you could say i had so many things taken from me that i stopped wanting things. and all that frustration got turned inside and it became destructive. that was the only way to deal with any of it. my parents didnt talk. despite their psychiatry degrees. it was rediculous.

but online i was a paladin. i'd get on my dwarf and kick ass. and i built a network of friends who were all good at their class. together we'd do amazing things in the game. eventually it grew into guilds. and the joy of success was infinately greater. its through alot of this that basically alot of my character was built. it was a lifechanging experience. being in charge of real people taught me alot. at first it was intimidating. but eventually it became second nature. i became a carrier of the torch. i knew the game inside and out. and i knew enough to coordinate things. that became my strength. i became known for being able to organize raids. pickup raids that were able to take on tough content. that was pretty cool. something i had done since i was a kid. although i got alot better at it over the years. i guess that was the thing with it all. it was a constant in my life. even losing countries and friends. and it brought me to alot of great places. it taught me alot of great things. and built me into the person i am today. it built me into a better person. and i guess you could say im thankful for that. but today its just not what it used to be. i know too much i guess you could say. i can see right through it. maybe my world is music today. maybe thats where i need to put my efforts.

there was a time that i loved raids. id make up maps and discuss tactics. i hated the cheat sites. to me it was great to make up the tactics ourselves. that was what it was really about in my opinion. thats how someone plays the game the way it was designed. i loved getting 60 people together to try and figure out the tactics. and part of me definately wants to try it again. knowing everything i know now it should be easier. but then of course there's the fact that my character sucks. the warriors take the boss mobs. the shadowknights do the kiting. there's little left for paladins but straight up tanking trash. the shadowknights having distinctly more powerful aggro spells hurt. that meant that they could take aggro if they wanted. aggro spells are weak enough to be chained. its viable as far as manas concerned for a shadowknight to tank everything. and that was kindof a low blow for paladins. if they have the aggro they have the mob. and what was too powerful for them to tank the warriors could. in a way that kindof removed the need for paladins to tank on raids. only the particularly plucky ones could take aggro. and that'd of course perhaps involve the taunt button. either that or lazy shadowknights. but if you were in a competative setting you'd lose aggro. and that was kindof disheartening.

see i was the competative kindof player. the game really mattered to me. and being involved mattered to. i didnt wanna be one of the guys on the sidelines during raids. i wanted to be involved in the fun of it. a place where i could really just try out my abilities. paladin stuns are largely unused on raids. not to mention that the stun component doesnt work. youre just left as poor dps and poor heals. to me thats kindof shitty. our tanking is there. but its only useful if shadowknights or warriors are absent. and any self respecting guild has warriors and shadowknights. so as long as a guild recruiters doing their job youre useless. i guess the point is i moved too far away from roleplay in that game. i moved too far into strategy. and i realized all too well how useless i was. i might as well've been a warrior. but even then i might've not been happy. shadowknights are probably the ideal class. with greater aggro than a paladin they get the trash. without the stuns their group time is challenging. and with feign death they can actually solo tough stuff. paladins on the other hand dont get dps. while we do get slay its nerfed. only certain mobs in certain places. shadowknights would have broad use abilities. plus the fact that they get a pet. paladins have haste but click haste is widely available

so at the end of the day we were just useless. our heals would get trumped by clerics. not to mention the reserve healers. druids and shamans would back up the clerics. both capable of keeping a group up. paladins of course couldnt do that. the heals were penalized. and then we couldn't tank 'cause the shadowknights would trump our aggro. and our dps was too useless to be useful. call in the zerkers. the monks. the rangers. the wizards. the rogues. our dps just didnt compare. not able to dual weild. lower skill caps. less offensive aa's. bottom line was everything we cuold do someone else could do better. although one thing was we could effect alot of areas of the raid. in one event. we could tank a mob. we could heal a man. we could help kill something. we could kite something. and perhaps in that sense you can see the fun of the class. they gave us alot of things to do. and when things are stretched thin you get a chance to do them all. but if you have ten of every good class. there's just no need to have a paladin. and when you already have three paladins why recruit a fourth. having those three in the first place is questionable. a fourth'd just be a loot hog. a raid space taker. someone depriving the raid of one more berserker. and i think thats the thing with paladins. we just arent needed.

i guess thats the thing thats hard to swallow. after 9 years with a paladin, i found myself useless. i just wanted really needed anymore. my dps was trumped. my aggro was trumped. my tanking was trumped. my rooting was trumped. my healing was trumped. the only crumb they tossed us was the fast heal. but it just locks your abilities. its penalized all to hell. there was no advantage to being a paladin anymore. the slay undead just never came up. the majority of events werent undead. so for the majority of events we just were useless. to me thats just a waste of class. but not only that. a snub to anyone who played it. people who had ties to the class were fucked. and those who just wanted to play a paladin were forced to choose to quit or continue un-fun. i quit more than once. i'd always get drawn back. the raid dynamic is just too fun. the combination of abilities is great. but when you have better we're useless. i guess you could say paladins have the most fun in underdog guilds. the type of guilds that you may not necessarily win with. those're the ones that you'll have the most work. i guess you have to pick the right guild as a paladin. because otherwise you're just setting yourself up for heartbreak. for sitting on the sidelines and being bored all day. i actually want to play the game not watch it.

so here i sit just not sure what to do. do i start a new character? do i just put away my 9 year investment? do i just throw all that away? ive tried a couple times and im not sure i can. the furthest i came was my cleric. but theyre definately one dimensional. same with wizards really. in fact i dont think any class has as many facets as the paladins. except maybe the shadowknight. which im still not necessarily interested in playing. i like the good character. its a shame they just made it not fun to play. at least not in super competative guilds. if you ever become a super competative player you have to change class. but otherwise you might find fun in the class. you have to find a shitty guild that needs you. understaffed but willing to try. short on healing and perhaps short on tanks. perhaps short on dps too. thats where you could make a difference in every event. the guilds where it comes down to the wire. i guess you could say if i play i need to be with storm spirits. its funny isnt it how it comes full circle. but storm spirits is a box guild. many old timers but too few men. always space in raids. and theyve even got a new loot system to try out. if i want to be a tank the warrior would be best. trash tank would be the shadowknight. dps the wizard. healing the cleric.

but paladins do it all. and i guess you could say the variety makes it spicey. there's alot of things you can get up to with a paladin. its kindof like the bard of the tank world. not bad. ive rooted shitloads of mobs. ive pulled for raids. ive tanked boss mobs. ive healed events to help make them possible. i have the ability to add various things to various aspects of the raid. in that way paladins are awesome. we're involved with pretty much every part of the raid. which kindof is why paladins make great raid leaders. they're familiar with the clerics. they know how to kite. then there's the adds. and even pulling. plus the boss mob. they know all about tanking. so paladins really know it all. and i guess you could say its hard to move away from that. you just have a very organic knowledge of raids. i guess it helps to think of paladins that way. you have variable things to various aspects of the raid. youre kindof the swiss army knife. your only drawback is your lack of ability to add anything substantion to any one part of the raid. but you can at least participate in every part of it. and in that sense you get to have fun. you basically enjoy many parts of the puzzle. youre healing with the clerics druids and shamans. youre tanking with the shadowknights and warriors. and you dps with the monks wizards rogues berserkers and mages. plus youre kiting with the rangers bards and shadowknights.